Think of a situation where you felt treated unfairly. Is the pain still there like a knife cutting into your chest? Does the desire to get revenge swell to the size of a 10 story title wave? Do you pray that Karma pays a visit to the person who mistreated you? If you’ve been cheated on, fired from a job, swindled out of money, or taken advantage of by a family member, you know what I’m talking about. We all can point to an instance in our lives where we felt mistreated and wanted to make those who hurt us suffer. While these events and the emotions associated with them may make for great TV dramas like Revenge and Scandal, experiences of mistreatment are not only difficult to deal with, they have an insidious and long term impact on you. They block your success and effectively put your progress on hold.
Unresolved Past Hurts Block Future Blessings
Four months ago, Kim (not her real name) ended a serious relationship because she was cheated on by the man she loves. Her heart is still broken. She still doesn’t sleep well. Listen to Kim talk, and you will hear her blame everybody else for her unhappiness.
When we hurt, emotions typically override objectivity. Too often, we start a success blocking combination – we start to blame others for our circumstances AND we fail to take any accountability for our contributions to the undesirable circumstances. The perfect storm of success blocking occurs once resentment sets in. That’s when unresolved past hurts become the #1 barrier to your success because as long as you are unwilling to face forward instead of looking back, you will stay in reverse and drain the energy of those who care about you.
3 Ways to Overcome Unresolved Past Hurts
Here are 3 ways to get refocused on success instead of drowning in the hurricane of hurt:
1) Stop Blaming Others
Blaming others is convenient. It drains you of focusing on the future, and it keeps you from taking accountability. To stop this natural but unproductive response to pain and hurt, do this – any time you start to blame others, say or do something positive. It’s vitally important that you disrupt the pattern of blaming and replace it with something positive because it works. As Kim is finding out, it takes practice, and it works.
2) Think and Speak the Language of Success
When your emotions are engaged and resentment has set in, pay attention to your thoughts and words you use. It is highly likely they will turn negative, and that is why blame becomes such a convenient way to protect ourselves. One of the most effective ways to overcome negative thinking is to (on a daily basis) document at least 3 things you are grateful for. It will force you to think positive thoughts. Another effective strategy to keep thinking and speaking in a positive manner is to constantly answer this question: How does what I’m thinking or saying going to improve my circumstances? I constantly challenge Kim with this question. She may even become irritated with me but I will stay the course because I know there will be a point in time when she will answer the question without any prompting. Success is always achieved in three stages, and the first and most important stage is the “thinking” stage.
3) Get Help for Your ED
As I mentioned to Kim, she needs to get help for her ED – Emotional Derailers. When her emotions override her objectivity, she will be focused on the past. The key to the success of this strategy lies in her support network. Kim will need to enlist the help of a few people she trusts to challenge her when her emotions have overtaken her ability to remain objective. Her support network should do 2 things:
a) constantly focus her attention on being positive
b) have her identify actions she will take to create a better future
Overcoming emotional derailers requires patience, perseverance, and consistency. By following through and getting help for her ED from me and others, Kim will make great progress towards overcoming her unresolved past hurt.
Failing to overcome past hurts not only affects you, it’s like a chronic infectious disease because it infects those close to you. By resolving these success derailers, barriers will be removed while releasing those who have been held hostage as a result of your negative thinking and actions.
For more tips and strategies on achieving and sustaining success, visit my website atwww.ictscorp.com, subscribe to this blog, and follow me on social media (Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and Facebook). By doing so, you will gain access to leading edge research on management and leadership development and have access to daily inspirational and motivational quotes that will drive your success trajectory upward. So don’t delay, follow me and think yourself to success today!